Thoughts on a hog roast

My most recent article from my role as catering expert on The Wedding Community...

When it comes to discussing wedding menus with my clients, the ‘hog roast question’ is right up there with the ‘cake as pudding question’.

There is a time and a place for hog roasts and it’s not necessarily your wedding day.

But how can you tell whether it would suit your day? I hope this helps.

Don’t have a hog roast if…

1.  …you’re uncomfortable with the phrase “big, bloody, raw, dead pig”

At the end of the day that is what it is; trotters on, head-off, hairy skin crisping, tail waving in the breeze. If you are at all squeamish (or have invited even one vociferously vegetarian guest) advance down this route at your peril.

2.  …you haven’t told your guests

Picture the scene: female guests wobbling across the lawn in their high heels, trying to eat a hot bap elegantly without ruining their manicure or dropping ketchup on their beautiful dresses, tutting as their other halves wipe greasy hands on their new suit trousers. Please, if you are having a hog roast, mark it clearly on your invitation so that people come prepared wearing wedge heels and with wet wipes to hand.

3.  …it was all his idea

Men. Meat. Fire. Often I find the hog roast idea comes from a groom who has whimsical dreams of standing next to the BBQ… sorry I mean hog roast… whiling away the hours with a few beers and a group of his mates. This isn’t what happens on your wedding day. If you don’t believe me ask your married friends about their experiences. Accept that you’re hosting a big event for many, not an afternoon at home for a few.

4.  …you’re worried about the weather

Hog roasts involve fire so cannot be done indoors, hence good weather is essential. In the UK it can rain on up to 200 days of the year, so I urge every couple planning their reception in Britain to “hope for the best but plan for the worst”. However, if you are willing to bet that your wedding day will be on one of those precious remaining 165 days (minus those in freezing winter) then go for it. If you are set on an outdoor extravaganza, better to move the location to Bondi Beach or Provence.

5.  …you want a relaxed atmosphere

Hog roasts (like buffets) do not, as you might think, provide a relaxed ‘eat what you like when you like’ meal. In fact the opposite can be true. The hungry people rush in first, other guests wait politely and end up with less, family cliques move 20 chairs round one table and (ironically) a lot of guests choose to sit and wait for someone else to bring them their food anyway. If you really want a relaxed atmosphere, great service is the key.

Do have a hog roast if…

1.  …you’re looking for vintage style or a rock ‘n’ roll look

Be aware that there is a good way and a bad way to do a hog roast but never a particularly pretty way. For good, see Vintage at Goodward, for bad see local rugby club. No two hog roast providers offer the same thing, so choose carefully and double check that you’re getting ‘English village fair’ rather than ‘kebab shop window’.

2.  …you’re wearing a frock (not a gown) or jeans (not a suit)

I know firsthand that long, expensive, structured, embellished bridal gowns do not mix (in anyway) with grease, grass, mud, ketchup, smoke and a bap. However, rock and roll weddings, short, funky, 50’s-style frocks, bohemian style summer dresses and medieval bustiers look fabulous.

3.  …you’re inviting less than 50 guests

The average pig will serve 70 people, as a snack, so I think 50 people per pig for a meal is perfect.

4.  …it’s your pig

I did a fantastic wedding for a foodie couple who had raised their own pig for the purpose of having it butchered for their wedding. They provided the finishing touches to the meal (herbs, greens, flowers) making it so very personal. I love creating bespoke menus; it is a message to your guests and a reflection of who you are. We had the most amazing day in their Orchard and it all felt absolutely right.

5.  …you never want to speak with your vegetarian friends again!

Multi-Sensory Eating

For a dish to be truly incredible, it needs to appeal to every sense. Taste, is only one tiny part of the reality of gastronomical enjoyment.

1. Sight - the saying “you eat with your eyes” is no exaggeration. This is the sense that overrides all others. If you don’t believe me, Google psychologist Paul Rozin and read about his experiments with fudge or visit Dans Le Noir restaurant and experience just how challenging it is to eat blindfolded. Our natural instincts draw us to fresh greens, red meats, vibrant fruits, natural colours – choose your dish accordingly. Also think about the size and shape of the plates - does it make the food look plentiful or stingy? If you are doing a lot of styling, how does the meal look on your chosen linen colour?

2. Smell – is biologically connected to taste, in fact smelling the food is in effect the first bite. Don’t make the food fight for attention with other smells. Consider your floral arrangements, lilies might make an incredible centrepiece but ask your florists to remove all bar a few of the stamens. For a more natural, more appetising perfume, ask your florist to use herbs in the displays. At one of our recent weddings, ribboned garlands of rosemary, sage and lavender were tied to the back of each chair releasing a soft scent of English summertime whenever guests moved. Never use scented candles or incense during the meal – it’s just too much. And of course, no smoking!

3. Sounds – one of Heston Blumenthal’s most infamous dishes is “Sound of the Sea” which is served with an iPod so that you can listen to waves crashing on a beach as you eat it. This, he believes, enhances the taste and helps people to take their time whilst savouring every mouthful. What music or sounds will accompany your meal? If you are providing your venue with an iPod for background music, make sure that the playlist avoids anything with a fast or heavy beat – your guests will be finished in seconds! My recommendation is soft jazz, gentle swing or classical guitar. If you’re printing a menu, read the food aloud (perhaps in your best impression of those M&S ads) and check that it sounds irresistible.

4. Touch – the texture of a dish is often overlooked, but it’s important to remember that your palette craves variety. If the main element of a dish is soft and creamy incorporate an element of crunch and vice versa. Think across the courses, for example a soup starter with brulee dessert is a mistake (too much liquid) as would a tomato tarte tatin starter with a lemon tarte dessert (too much pastry). Cream in every course is too much even for the most adamant Francophile. When it comes to styling, good cutlery, crystal glassware and crisp linen will all help to enhance the experience but the most important element of touch? Easy. A comfortable, wobble free chair with a good back and plush seat pad.

5. Taste - of course! In Western cultures, we describe taste in terms of four flavours: sweet, salty, sour and bitter. I prefer to use the Chinese palette philosophy with the added dimensions of spice (piquance) and savoury. This final flavour, known as “unami”, is that xfactor ingredient that makes you crave more and more. 100% natural ingredients, it’s becoming so popular that you can now buy “unami paste” in Waitrose. This is a fabulous product to have at home, it makes something ordinary food taste utterly delicious! I love using it and am thrilled that someone has captured “the fifth flavour” in a squeezy tube. Try it yourself http://www.laurasanttini.com/. Remember that whatever flavours you incorporate in your menu, good caterers will season to perfection, they may not even put condiments out (we don’t).

6. The Sixth Sense – never underestimate the power of intuitive service. Our managers have been called mind readers on more than one occasion and have the magical power to put guests completely at their ease. Meeting this final sense sets the best caterers apart from the rest.

December Big Picture

Seared beef on Yorkshire Puddings with horseradish cream.

Christmas Comfort, Foodie Joy

It is the hottest week of the year so (of course) I am developing the Christmas menus for Nonsuch Mansion. Not bad considering we don't launch the venue until next week! Here is a sneaky peak, feast your eyes...

Starters

Game terrine, apple damson chutney and toasted brioche
Curried parsnip soup, parsnip crisps and sage bread
Roasted pumpkin and thyme soup with gruyere
Warm goat’s cheese and cranberry torte with winter leaf salad
Smoked salmon bruschetta, celeriac remoulade and beetroot crème fraiche

Mains

Traditional Norfolk turkey with fat roasted potatoes and all the trimmings
Free range chicken breast sage and chestnuts, braised red cabbage
Fresh salmon encroute wilted spinach and tarragon cream sauce
“Six hour” slow roasted belly of pork mustard mash and winter vegetables
Duck leg confit, Toulouse sausage, butter bean mash, Savoy cabbage and a rich red wine jus
Mushroom and goats cheese Wellingtons

Sweet
Christmas pudding with brandy cream
Sticky toffee pudding with butterscotch sauce
Pecan pie with Christmas pudding ice cream
Chocolate cheesecake with cointreau orange compote
Pear and thyme tart tatin with fresh vanilla bean ice cream